Back from the Precipice

Yesterday I woke up late because I had trouble getting to sleep the night before and there was no way I was going to the gym on 2 hours sleep. I was going to go in the evening, but a friend called and we went out to see "SiCKO" so I managed to replace both sparring class and a lifting session with three beers. Plus I had mexican food for lunch because my best friend Viv is in town. So we eventually wound up at a small club near campus and there was a band playing and I was watching all the happy drunk pudgy people dance and they looked happy. And it reminded me of being in my 20's when I was 12% bodyfat I decided that I need to be comfortable in my skin again. I just need to get it done.
1) I'm not special. I'm healthy and I have a normal metabolism and there is nothing physiological keeping me from getting rid of excess fat
2) I'm lucky. I'm already active, I have access to a decent gym and I belong to a great dojang. I have some friends who are new here and excited to get outdoors and I'm going with them.
3) I'm knowledgeable. I have tried it or read about it or heard about it. Plus I'm a biologist so I can not only find the abstracts on PubMed, I can get the actual article AND I can understand it.
4) I'm experienced. I know how to do the exercises, I know how to modify them, I can eat any ratio without too much problem, etc.
5) I am aware of my shortcomings. I have program/diet ADD and I was slacking the past few weeks because I was getting bored and unhappy. Another thing I do when I'm unhappy is I conjure up illness and injury which interfere quite a bit with the consistency. I need to see progress, but I'd been focusing solely on the presence of the spare tire. I ordered an Omron (mOron) so it will be a fun toy to play with since I've lost all confidence in my ability to accurately use my calipers.

There is a huge list of foods and exercises, etc. that I habitually avoid and I need to re-examine all of these. I think variety is more important that dogma. I was thinking about this because my mindset for the past few years has been "machines are stupid" BUT looking back, when I was really making great progress a few years ago I was only doing legs and abs because I'd totally blown my right rotator cuff. I maxed out the Barbie leg-press and was using the Icarus/Hammerstrength. I think part of the reason I was doing so well is that I was really working the legs. I don't think I do that under the bar because I'm so limited by my grip and the amount of weight I can put across my shoulders. Anyway - something to think about....

So back in the gym today lifting whatever the heck I wanted and really focusing on form. I took a lot of weight off at first, but I'm stronger than before I went on vacay, got sick, went to field camp. Maybe it's the 3 week re-feed! Cheating isn't all evil, for one thing I got to eat a far wider variety of foods than I have been eating and most of them I can convert to a healthy macro-friendly form.

Finally - I'm going to get it done this fall. I don't have any travel scheduled so I can map out 20 weeks to make some major progress. And then, my parents want me to go with them to Hawaii in January so if the desire to feel happy/pretty/comfortable again isn't enough positive motivation, the fear of being pushed out to sea as a beached beluga whale should be!